If you’re a parent who is preparing for divorce, you may be considering how your child’s nanny will fit into your new family dynamic. Even if you don’t have a nanny, you likely have a trusted caregiver who is an important part of your family – and your child’s life.
Some parents work their child’s third-party caregiver into their custody order and parenting plan – whether it’s a nanny, a relative or a neighborhood teen who babysits when they’re gone. If your child has a nanny or other regular caregiver, being able to continue that relationship can give your child the familiarity and continuity that is crucial as they transition to moving between two homes.
Of course, this is only possible if the two of you will be living in the same area and your caregiver is comfortable working in both of your homes – and you’re both comfortable having them there.
Some important things to establish upfront
Let’s say that your caregiver is a non-relative nanny or babysitter who is amenable to caring for your child across both homes. That’s an important first step. Now, it’s smart to work out some rules and agreements upfront to help avoid unpleasant conflicts later. For example:
- Keep your caregiver in the loop on your parenting time schedule and how it affects them so they’ll know when and where they’ll be working from week to week.
- Although your rules for the kids should be consistent across homes, be sure your caregiver knows of any differences so they can follow the rules of the parent whose home they’re in.
- Incorporate your caregiver’s pay and expense reimbursements into your child support agreement, and work out the details of how much, when and by whom they’ll be paid so they don’t have to go back and forth between the two of you to get the money they’re owed.
- Talk with your caregiver about what they can and cannot discuss with your child regarding the divorce and their parents. They should feel comfortable sharing with you anything your child says or asks that you should know about.
It should be understood by everyone involved that your caregiver isn’t to speak negatively about either of you to your children. They should also not be expected to relay messages between you and your co-parent.
Whether you’re able to keep your child’s nanny or other caregiver or you each hire your own, it’s smart to work your expectations into your custody and support agreements and parenting plans. You may also want to do this if your child has any private coaches or tutors who come to your home. This is just one area of concern wherein having sound legal guidance can make an important difference to parents who are going their separate ways.